Despite the stress and fatigue that I’ve experienced, I come here to talk about something in particular. The death of my Nana. It’s odd though, calling her “my” Nana, when I hardly talked to her; aside from the usual hi-hellos and manos that we exchanged throughout the years. Not to be rude and to discredit her as a relative, because I do feel kindred to her. What I meant by odd was that, I feel embarrassed that I didn’t get to know her better than my other cousins have. My dad’s sister was legally adopted by her and her husband years before I was born, so they get to go to the province more often. They spend the holidays there and sometimes even spend a couple days in between.
It’s an intriguing thing to think about it. She lived for more than 104 years. She’s paid more than her dues, experienced more than her share, and loved more than her heart could bear. That I think, is so joyous to think about that it’s a bit difficult to feel sad that she passed. There is that feeling of emptiness when we got there, like a void that can never be filled. But when I think about all that she has experienced, the generations of children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, she’s been loved by so many that I can only feel happiness for her. I envy her to be frank. To be loved and adored generation from generation and endure even times the great trees of Tarlac couldn’t endure.
The event was so light that at times I had to remind myself that I was in a wake. I felt very little sorrow, aside from the occasional tears and stories about her days. When I looked at hear coffin, it was very difficult to believe. I was looking at a woman that I could picture living forever. She was, after all, a 100 plus woman smoking, dancing, and singing even at her advanced age. What I felt was more of a feeling of surprise. I look at her expecting a finger to twitch or her eyes to move. There was no movement, but there was a sense of peace. Like I said, I envy her. Her passing is so peaceful that I can only hope to be the same when my day comes. No sickness, no panic, no pain, just peace. Like taking a nap. That’s what she did. She laid on her deathbed, and took a rest. And that’s what her body is going to do from now on while her spirit rejoices as she meets with all her friends and the people that loved her before. I can only hope that she feels the peace in our hearts and the prayers that we whisper. Rest in piece MY Nana.